I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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