none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
