i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
