You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
