Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
