he wants to bone in the snuggie
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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