I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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