I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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