Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Someone shit on the floor
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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