i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize