Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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