We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
