So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
