we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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