It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
