So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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