'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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