but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
