He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
