I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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