loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
only you would photoshop your dick
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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