So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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