that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
