I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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