Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
