If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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