I'm going to jail i love you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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