I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?