please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...