Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves