I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.