I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10