You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.