So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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