Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
