the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
