so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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