you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
