Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
