In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
