Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We left the knife in your bed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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