My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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