one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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