Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
