I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
