It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
