How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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