I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
no you cant smoke seaweed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
