I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
