I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
