Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
