this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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