i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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