I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
