But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
