Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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