omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
They are going to name an STD after you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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