I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
