I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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