I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
