I think I won the penis lottery.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
