she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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