I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
