Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
