dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
