I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just want nice things and good sex
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
