let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
