like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
