got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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