you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
