is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
