We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
