I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
