My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
All I want is dick and wine.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
