She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
