it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
